I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby


I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love


I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby


This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love


When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile


Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby


This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love


I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby


This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love


Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling

I'm falling


Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying for you I'm falling
I'm falling

they say that you'd do things you'd never thought you'd ever do when you're inlove
you wouldn't think of how stupid you'd look
you wouldn't think of the dangers and risks
only after you push through with whatever crazy thing in mind
but the feeling gives you an exhilirating high
like true spirit of rebellion
being able to for once in your life, not only take a step, but a leap out of the routined lifestyle
its like feeling mature and immature at the same time
i know, its weird..
its being mature in the way that you know how to take responsibility on the little detour from routine
immature in the sense that your logic is running on the concept that this is all childsplay and consequences are of little importance when you are on the track of getting what you want..
its so incredible and unbelieveable that it all happened like a dream..

i finally got to travel far away from home all by myself
not somewhere like glorietta, since i think that was the farthest from home i've ever been on my own..
this was another region in luzon..
this was a journey that took hours..
and i made it to and fro in one day..
really crazy..
i didn't think that the bus might have some mechanical failure
or that maybe i might get held up..
or get sexually harrassed..
or that somewhere along the way i'd get left behind on a stop over..
or maybe that i rode the wrong bus.. or get off at the wrong stop..
or other things like that..
all i thought of was getting there to see the one i love..
even though i had to put through sitting next to a big fat guy who seemed like the only person on the bus that snored..
it was evident by my growing impatience, also innocent fascination of the sight of almost endless fields of rice and corn..
i sort of amused myself with the different animals i saw on the way, as well as taking time to read out all signs boards i could see that could give me some clue of where i was at the moment...
first stop over at this place where the NLEX ends and curves..
didn't bother to go down since they didn't announce how long it would take for the stop over..
i didn't want anyone else taking my nice window seat, though i had to be next to snore monster..
only about 2 hours into the ride and i was already in pampanga..
"Mabalacat, Pampanga"
to imagine if i was still with marc, how easy it would be to get to his province, compared to where my beloved was..
i remember him saying that place was somewhere near the foot of arayat.. i think..
how comforting.. to know that earlier in the morning a place in southern leyte at the foot of some mountain was wiped out after a landslide.. n_n" am i evil? or was it just the shirt i was wearing? ehehehe..
tarlac had so many cities and barrios and baranggays.. it was torment to see one after another.."when would there be a sign of pangasinan?"..
it would only be evident after a third and quarter hour..
"Mc Arthur Highway, Carmen, Pangansinan"..
there was obviously and issue with some thing called HUC in tarlac.. i think it stood for Higly Urbanized City..
there were posters everywhere telling people to vote yes, then vote no...
the number of posters diminishing came as a sort of comfort since it was proof that it must be pangasinan already..
"Urdaneta City, Pangasinan"
it was the most busiest of places i saw yet..
they actually had a mall, Magic Mall? and some fast food places, but even those were scarce.. and then we were at the typical provincial house lined highway..
i couldn't really read it but there was a cemented arch of fish.. i guess it was supposed to read welcome to the City of Dagupan or something..
yey!!
the last hour from urdaneta was tormenting since i was already getting whiney..
then the bus slowed down and took a small turn into this alleyway then rocky road into a bus pen.. and finally it was time to get down.. after exactly 5 hours man..
seein my baby was the best thing after a long journey like that..
imagine travelling all by yourself and my mp3 player died earlier on in the trip.. n_n''
we first went to a place in Bonuan, Tondaligan beach i think.. where hubby ordered Sinigang na Sugpo and Ininhaw na Pusit at a restaurant called Matutina's..
they served complementary ube macapuno desert while we were waiting for the take out.. and i guess it was the first time i actually liked the so called ube snacks..infact, we finished the whole lot n_n''.. well.. i at least took the last two pieces left on the plate, ate one and kept the other in my bag n_n''
hubby then took me to the seashore.. there were a couple of people who asked if we wanted to rent a cottage.. was it a common question for couples who went to the beach? n_n''
i sort of tried to wade in the water a little bit..
i liked the feeling of walking in the sand.. and getting sand inbetween my toes..
i was like a curious kitten.. like i've never seen the seashore.. i mean.. we spent like 15 minutes just staring at the waves.. and it was like i wanted to just jump in.. yet feared that the water might be deeper than i thought..
i just kept to the shore.. and observed the crab holes.. even crushed one in n_n"
there were a lot of shells.. but all of the same kind..
honey asked if i wanted to collect any shells.. i guess i couldn't since it was evidence or something..
i just picked up two weird shaped ones and put them in my bag..
i remember running to 3 barbeque sticks stuck in the sand..
i took one and started writing.. until a wave washed out before i was even done..
i looked for a spot were the waves didn't reach and wrote:
i love mikki -
it was like proclaiming to the sea that i loved bei.. a weirdly cool feeling..
hihihihi..
God was good to let the weather be fine.. well, actually, it was really hot.. at least not heat wave type hot..
but good enough for sight seeing i guess..
if only i had more time, i would've wanted to go splash in the waves.. but it was already the first hour of my 3 hour stay up..
we headed home to hon's place..
we rode a jeep going to Tambac near pizza hut..
it was really surprising to see for the first time the three storey house i had only imagined.. it looked like a castle.. a pale pink castle at that.. really cool..
we entered the first of two doors at the entrance.. the other door was to the second half of the house where hon's tito and tita stayed at..
the first floor was spacious.. there were at least 2 sofa sets and a lot of other seats.. good for holding parties n_n".. hon said that whenever they had one, it was jam packed.. so i guess that means they have a way load lot of friends to have the sala filled like that..
i saw hon's lola.. she was sitting in a rocking chair i think, in the dining room.. and she stood up to about mikki's height.. n_n" there was also another old woman who i guess was chatting with mikki's lola before we entered..
they and mikki talked a little pangasinensen saying that i was the one mikki kept on talking to on the phone.. i guess she sort of welcomed me by smiling and saying that me and hon should eat lunch.. hon led me up to the second floor and i was trying my best to absorb the new surrounding.. i saw a doorway to a terrace.. was this the one where mikki and his barkada would hang out at?
i saw another doorway open to a blue room with a dirty-white door leading to the bathroom i guess..
kuya MA was sitting at the computer.. playing some online game..
hon showed me another room just before a second staircase that led to the third floor..
the door opened to where mica and lola stayed.. there was a room where another door opened to another bedroom.. where i guess mica stayed as seen for a green poring and lots of books on the floor..
i climbed the second staircase where there were 3 doors.. the first on the left opened to the infamous guest room.. the door on the right i assumed opened to the roof on the third level.. since rays of light struggled to get through the edges of the seemingly unattended door.. the 2nd door on the left i guess led to the roof which i guess could be considered the fourth level of the house.. cool..
we went into the guest room and i plopped onto the bed..
i was poofed.. wanted to rest for a bit.. but i helped set up a table for lunch..
i took the sinigang na sugpo and put it in a bowl while waiting for hon..
he went down to get some rice as well as other utensils and apparently his lola gave us some pork and some chicken tinola to add to our take out.. there was a door that led outside to the infamous terrace where the barkada would hangout at on boys night.. it had the view of the highway.. great n_n" i closed the door to the terrace since hon turned on the aircon.. i watched a bit of TV and looked at a few of the sketch pads hon had.. there were also bob ong books, the darkside of catholicism and mythology class, both which i gave to hon.. hon came up with some rice he had to buy somewhere since kuya MA had finished all the rice for his lunch..
another hour went by and it was already my last hour to stay.. me and mikki snuggled up together saying that this was an expeience i'd never forget.. it was so comfortable that i think i fell asleep for a bit.. >_<"" good thing that his friend came over and interrupted our nap.. it was about time i should've got going anyway.. Vaughn (spelling?) came with us half the trip back to the terminal.. he was also about mikkis height and had poofy hair just like hon.. twins? joke..

the hardest part of the experience is realizing that the wonderful dream come true has to end..
before getting on the bus.. hon bought me some oranges..
i wanted to buy fruit so i wouldn't get dizzy going home.. it was going to be my opportunity to get some rest since it had been quite a tiring day..
i wanted to take hon home with me..
it was that the feeling of being with him and the chance to experience his world for even just a few hours was so right.. it was almost like confirming that we had to be together..
i didn't want to leave.. i wanted to have to option of staying even if only for one night.. but this was just a day where i bought time.. going through with a sleep over would cause almost unforgivable commotion back at home.. i wouldn't sacrifice being able to be with mikki even at extremely selective chances for the ever tempting opportunity to stay.. nor would i want to jeopardize the stabilized relations between him and my family especially after everyone found out about the "issue"..
it was hard saying that i wouldn't cry.. and putting a face that it was ok that i had to go home..
it was more difficult actually seeing him having to get off the bus when it was departure..
i said i wouldn't cry..
i tried my best to be strong despite seeing in his eyes that he wanted me so badly to stay..
but when the bus had only left the terminal..
tears started flooding my eyes..
i couldn't help it..
this is how difficult it was i guess for him to have to leave me in manila to go back to dagupan..
the worst thing was that i was all alone.. no one to comfort me..
back to reality..
back to only having mikki exist to everyone else as the voice on the other end of the line..
the one in the studio pictures in my wallet..
the boyfriend in the province..
i love him and that won't easily change..
reasons that it could change are of the most unlikely nature.. and if God wills, i think he's the one i'm meant to be with..
i mean.. i've never been so willing to be reckless in the name of love..
and things have worked out well..
its like i was meant to do all these things..
it brings more meaning behind all my previous miseries..
after all the sadness and pain.. God has really willed for me to experience things i never knew i could do..
God willed for me to be happy..
and guided me in my choices to help me see that i deserve to be happy..
as i've said before..
i really do hope that mikki is the one..
i don't want to be hurt again.. after all this hope and faith i've invested.. i can't afford to be driven madly back into misery..
but love isn't as simple as its supposed to seem..
love is a risk..
love is like the lottery..
you have so many chances of loving..
if you fail to win..
it doesn't mean you can't try again.. there is always a chance of consolation.. but you'd never know that maybe at the first try.. or in the second try i believe my case is.. you'd win the jackpot..

"i was floating in the sky
i wondered where i was
despite being bewildered.. i felt so safe and calm..
a light shined through the clouds.. gave colors of a rainbow sunset..
a voice echoed in my head, a voice of heaven.. a voice of an angel..
"you were born to share your love to the world"..
then i was enlightened..
almost freed from the chains of my melancholy
i knew that i had survived an ordeal..
though it was hard to get through..
i knew that there was a tomorrow for me..
i almost felt i knew what to do..
i didn't concern myself with what the future held..
or what new people i'd meet.. all i knew was that the Great One reminded me
i was put on the earth to be the best i could be..
a new slate.. a chance to be reborn into a person filled with passion to live
it was all right to make mistakes.. be fearless, be brave..
be contradicting, be daring, be loving, be truthful.. be loved..
my greatest struggle would be however to be forgiving..
time would heal wounds..
but scars still remain..
my human dysfunction..
then i woke up to a brand new day.."