| memories of my existence..
I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby
I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling
I'm falling
Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying for you I'm falling
I'm falling
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6.21.2005
ekeke.. had the most beautiful yet sensual-ish way of falling asleep with hon..
after a little reading the diary, had the weird longing to be with him more.. still sharing happy thoughts while slowly drifting away into dreamland..
i remember that me and ex once used to have this sort of magical chant of a goodnight before we went to bed, and usually ended with something like,
"see you later"
in dream land that is..
though it was quite the ritual, rarely did i really get to see him in the so called dreamland of ours..
and instead woke up the next day with theoretical what ifs and sometimes some overly kinky ideas of a bear and rabbit.. ^_^"
kinda disturbing recalling those... ekekeke..
and thus the recipe of a chant i concocted wasn't enough to keep us together, and thus became a spoken program, not felt by the other party..
though i really did think that it would have a bit of magic, guess i was the only one that could see it..
the chant just became something that hurt me more after the break up since to me it was like renewing our promises to be faithful and lasting and enduring and blah blah blah.. and we practically said it everynight, whether by phone or by text..
kung sabagay, it was like i forced the program on him..
yesterday morning, reading the reply to his e-mail, mama couldn't help the dissipating sympathy she had for the guy when she found out that he really had a girlfriend, and it was the same girl i told her about that sympathized with the depressed drunken bum a day after our break-up, or maybe at least the night he saw the pictures of my slashed up and wasted arm..
it was the sermon that went
"sabi ko na nga ba, ayaw mo kase maniwala.."
honestly, i didn't think he would be that heartless.. and thought that he would really stick to the idea that he wouldn't engage in a relationship to protect his close ties and loved ones from being involved in his dangerous situation.. the primary reason he broke up with me..
i thought he was so noble that he would sacrifice his happiness.. though on my part i tried to work it out with my petty and pathetic:
"i'd wait forever, just don't break us up so i'd know i'd be waiting for someone"
but any jerk, so as my friends termed his class of men, would go with the
"i have to do this because i'm a man" speech and be cold hearted and supposedly strong as they think it made them..
adding everything up, i guess the truth about what happened suddenly dawned on me..
maybe there wasn't any family problem thing with him, maybe he didn't meet the girl right after the break-up, maybe the girl wasn't after him like he said she was..
though it would hurt like hell if i didn't have my michi to make me unknowingly happy in his suprising simple ways (*wiggle wiggle), the truth that he just fell out of love and he was desperately trying to find a way to relay that to me without hurting me.. as much as it would..
kinda backfired though since it made me so wasted i lost like 10 pounds in less than a week just by not eating thinking so much about what went wrong and why isn't it working out .. i termed that as "forgetting to eat".. commercial plug: the most effective weight loss method without even trying :)
its so cool how i usually victimized mall security guards by making them watch me burst into tears for no reason.. well, kung sa bagay, if you were to seem to only see couples around doing PDA around you in your moments of depression, who wouldn't be as psycho as i was.. noting that i was alone and still wasted..
the little part that still loved him was finally put into shock treatment to accept that.. and the other bits and pieces of my psychotic persona seemed to be like a whole staff of morticians getting that little part of me ready for the morgue..
so today, i'm going to see them together, is it finally the last step to actual closure regarding the issue? i don't really know.. but whatever happens later on the day.. i know that my michi is there to make all the pain go away.. no BS..
///
kitten
Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 6/21/2005 01:35:00 AM
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