| memories of my existence..
I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby
I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling
I'm falling
Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying for you I'm falling
I'm falling
|
3.27.2004
ehehe..
its something i don't want to let sink in..
but its something i have to face everytime i wake up in the morning
i know its a blessing to be able to wake up and know you're still alive..
that life has many things to offer
that God gave you complete functional limbs,
a human appearance
a sane useable mind to think..
most of the necessesities and essentials
sometimes even the luxuries that others can't even dream of because they weren't given the chance to know such things existed..
for some lucky people, bonuses are given such as the mental capacity to excel, inborn leadership skills, sculptured bodies and faces, innate talents or maybe even fortune and wealth..
or better yet, a combination of the above mentioned..
while some people rot in the slums,
not even knowing that they're taken advantage of,
their innocence wiped out with the things they have to face,
which no human should be facing,
barely living,
ignorance as their excuse..
shallow hopes if they have any
struggling to survive..
and then there are people like me..
torn between the two kinds of people..
being somewhere in the grey area..
having suffice resources.. yet struggling..
tormented if there'll ever be another day when i don't have to face such pain
suffering and weight
the problems of my life are giving me..
wondering if there will be hope to be able to cope with all the things around me..
feeling alienated by my own home..
and not being free to share all the things i'm feeling inside..
i have to be strong
even though i sometimes want to give up
i have to endure everything..
not thinking of myself..
its like i'm being forced to..
but its the only way to be fair to the majority..
to honey, whose promise of forever i'm trying my best not to break
to mama, who i have to understand and help even though its demanded that it be deprived of her
to dad, whose hard work should be rewarded and whose decisions are supposed to be the best for the family
to kuya, who has to take charge of the new responsibilities aside form taking care of his family
to jenny, whose stubborness and feeble mindedness might be her downfall..
and to me.. who doubts, but still can stand..
and maybe to some friends who dare to care, and give me a little light in my dark moments
no matter how busy they are..
they show that a helping hand does wonders to those who have almost lost their grip..
///
kitten
Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 3/27/2004 10:09:00 PM
3.24.2004
eheheh..
must let it out
Ü I'M FREEEEEE!!!!! Ü
well.. not exactly.. ehehe.. i still jave to submit some papers for my panpil.. but thats nothing compared to all the weight i lost..
well..
i didn't get thinner i mean..
ehehehe.. oh well..
ehehehehehe...
///
kitten
Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 3/24/2004 08:41:00 AM
3.06.2004
yey! I can finally log-in to friendster.. ok.. temporary happiness..
I need to find myself..
maybe I'm not really meant for the sciences..
maybe I should try my creativity..
I don't know what path to take..
I want to try my arts.. man.. I'm such a bum...
maybe its just that I'm extremely lazy..
or where I am now isn't stimulating at all..
I'm mean.. I'm not driven to study..
even with failing grades..
now what do you call that?
I don't care.. I still don't know where I should be..
or how I'm supposed to live..
if I suddenly do decide to take up arts, what's my future going to be?
will everyone be disappointed that I didn't pursue being the doctor or surgeon they expected me to become
when I was still full of passion and aspiration..
how will I live if I decide that path?
I know I might have fun.. and I could enjoy doing art for the rest of my life..
but I have no circle of friends to accompany me..
I'll be alone..
I have to decide myself..
but I still don't know what to do..
I wish I could be enlightened someday..
that someone could see my skills and tell me where I'm good at..
they don't have to decide for me
but help me balance, or make an imbalance in my skills so I know where I'm more apt to be in..
they say I'm smart..
I help people.. encourage and give advice to those who need it..
but it seems ironic that I can't even help myself..
can anyone help me?
I know this is a decision I have to make myself.. but I'm lost..
and no one is there to guide me..
I know the problem anyway.. I'm capable in science, and good in art..
but I have to choose..
I chose science any everyone else said that it was a shame I couldn't enhance my artistic side..
now I think if I shift to the arts, people will say that its a shame that I didn't choose to enhance my intellect...
I mean I could do both..
but I can't do both..
I wish someone could help me..
I'm not growing.. this darn decision creates atrophy of my mind and emotion..
I feel that I'm not whole.. not accomplished, even in petty things..
if it weren't for love, I'd be empty..
i need help..
///
kitten
Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 3/06/2004 04:37:00 PM
3.05.2004
So here I am on another successive dose of misery.. And my life is making another major turn..
hey, at least I'm showing some initiative in Eng10, where I'm waiting like a bum for my prof to return my position paper so I can at least rewrite it..
escaping from acads..
with the problems I'm having, I lately pathetically asked sweetie:
"paano kung magjapayuki na lang ako.. with the works?"
ok.. pause there na lang.. ehehehe..
honorable as he is, of course sweetie said that he'd never let that happen..
and he'd work his body off so i wouldn't have to anything near that..
I remember in a previous discussion that it was about a man's pride if is partner was violated..
whether it be that she (or another he) was raped, or was forced into flesh trade because of financial matters..
society somehow formed the idea that its the man's fault, that he couldn't take care of his partner, or is not a good enough provider for things to happen like that..
Ayan..
I connected it yet again to panpil19..
ehehe.. about the Pagkalalaki chapter..
well.. skip that.. the more interesting chapter is what we're taking up..
Kabaklaan.. ehehe..
and we're discussing many poems about gay lust, passion and desire.. actually, we're analyzing them, which is very enlightening since we explore bits of the gay world, with a classmate of mine sharing experiences.. eheheh..
I also found out my oral panpil19 test is about analyzing poems.. hard poems most likely about this chapter.. oh well..
What's this naruto craze on channel 2? blemished naruto... oh well..
like i said a while ago.. this major turn in my life.. i'll be taking charge of some expenses in the house from now on.. and i hope i can sustain any emotional stress this is going to make..
///
kitten
Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 3/05/2004 08:34:00 PM
3.03.2004
ehehehe.. *sweatdrop...*
finally, i have the time to change my blog.. but maybe this will temporarily be yaoi.. i like the layout but i need more time to transform it into my beautifully suicidal net persona.. ehehe..
i'm an official bum and probably a disappointment to many people who had many expectations for me.. well, that's what i think..
well.. i'm failing most of my subjects..
i dropped my math.. yeah, i gave up on my beloved prof.. which gives me an extra period to loiter and get more feeling of an authentic bum.. or go home early on tuesdays and fridays...
i think i might just fail my stupid kas 1 since the only basis of grading are essay exams (imagine no quizzes, seatwork, homework or recitation even!), i hate dates, and i failed the first exam by a few points.. and i think i'm going to fail the next one.. and mind you, there are only three exams..
my prof in eng10 is usually absent.. and i haven't even submitted a second draft of the papers he requires.. its just that since we don't see each other often.. i let my papers drift.. ehehe.. and the sem is almost over..
well..
i seem to be doing well unexpectedly in chemistry.. i have a knack at these kind of subjects.. eheh.. not excelling but surviving with not much effort.. ehehe...
and ironically, extremely well in panpil19.. ehehe.. for obvious reasons.. i could even describe this class as possibly mami and batchoi's kind of dream class.. well.. maybe not.. kase.. all day we talk about gender discrimination and homosexual sex.. ehehe.. in short stories, poems and other works.. ehehe.. and my teacher's even gay.. (he's really a good writer and critic, but i hate him for it 'cause i think he could be a purist, with the way he treats me in class on occasion).. and bad news is that our finals are oral.. shoot...
i have no passion to acheive academic sucess anyway..
i need to find a means to get nice moola.. with the situation we're in, i can't depend on anyone else but myself.. but what skills do i have?
i suck.. ehehe..
well.. at least i plan on attending the nice photoshop seminar later on so i know what not to do to mess up my experimental works of art.. ehehe..
and i just need a sewing machince (yuck, i'm applying what i learned in assumption) to make stuff... i got the paint ready.. and the skill kuno.. ehehe.. i just need the market.. haay...
magjajapayuki na lang ako! ehehe..
///
kitten
Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 3/03/2004 09:37:00 AM
|