solace..

< solace..

could this be the birth of something beautiful..?

memories of my existence..

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love
Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

I gave you all the love I got
I gave you more than I could give
I gave you love
I gave you all that I have inside
And you took my love
You took my love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

When you came my way
You brightened every day
With your sweet smile

Didn't I tell you
What I believe
Did somebody say that
A love like that won't last
Didn't I give you
All that I've got to give baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

I keep crying
I keep trying for you
There's nothing like you and I baby

This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love
This is no ordinary love
No ordinary Love

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying I'm falling

I'm falling

Keep trying for you
Keep crying for you
Keep flying for you
Keep flying for you I'm falling
I'm falling

7.31.2003

ehehe.. i can't really say my day today was really productive, since all i've been doing is sleeping.. thanks to this freaking fever.. which as of the moment has mysteriously taken a break.. since though the high temperature's gone, i still feel my head throbbing a bit..
today, was sort of lucky, supposing i had gone to school since i was given a free cut by my prof in SocSci.. the first class.. that meant more time to study for the stupid math quiz.. and geology quiz.. but since i didn't go to school, i'll have to ask for a make-up quiz in each class... shoot.. now how am i going to study feeling like this?
i at least was able to eat time by reading my HP5, given by sweetie last tuesday.. haay.. and i was expecting a call from him earlier.. you know, something like a sympathy call of "how are you feeling?" or crap like that.. or maybe i'm just cranky at the moment.. it was only a few moments ago that i noticed in the tagboard that he would be home later pa.. and obviously, later i'm going to be resting, i.o.w.: ignoring all calls..
hmm.. whats new? actually, nothing else.. yeah.. t'was another wednesday in the UST area.. went though i was feeling sick.. and when i arrived at sweeties place, my fever was evident, though i kept on denying it since i knew that sweetie would make me go home.. c'mon, after travelling for miles, wouldn't it be silly for someone to bring you back home, let alone tell you that you should go home? of course i'd feel like crap since i was denying that i was sick... and by the time i was home na.. i was burning up.. ehehe.. it was only this moring that i started to cool off when ma finally gave me a sponge bath.. you know.. a.k.a alcohol bath.. its was only then that i really started to sweat and my temperature was noticeably lower.. eheh.. oh well.. too bad theres still school tomorrow.. and i'm obliged to attend because of those missed quizzes..
tomorrows a new month na pala.. jen's birthday is nearing.. so is mami's.. hay.. *looks in wallet*.. haay... *moths come out*.. oh vel..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/31/2003 06:15:00 PM

7.28.2003

man, whats with blogger, its a whole new look to the editing crap window.. well.. maybe it'll work for me if the darn text in the post box wasn't so.. big.. yeah.. well.. it is for me.. haay..
any way.. whats up with today?
today.. was supposed to be no classes for me... well.. its just that U.P. withdrew its suspension last night because the coup d' etat was over.. the Magdalo group surrendered and the situation was undercontrol daw.. sana na lang tinuloy nila.. well.. to make the government move off its ass and start making change noticeable, instead of it adding more fluttery flowery promises to the people.. i bet you my english prof. will definitely have a lot to say about this tomorrow.. i even bet that he's at the Batasan right now, joining the rally simultaneous with the S.O.N.A.... good luck and care for him, for such a critical mind is too much to waste..
I even came to school in red, as a sign of protest.. people could maybe say that i kinda over did the wear red thingy, because my pants was also two toned red and black.. eheheh.. well.. thats the freedom of dress you have in U.P... I hoped nga this morning that there would be no classes, for of course a primary reason.. ehehe.. i didn't get to study for a test in SocSci. 1 scheduled this morning.. ehehe.. my studying attempts failed the previous days because the readings were immensely long and boring.. you guessed it, my eyelids didn't hold open for the time.. and my body ruled over my mind's objectives.... well.. God loves me and said that I had to take the test.. prepared or not.. come to think of it, it was a good thing that it wasn't cancelled since that's just another test down.. no more worrying.. and it was quite simple.. i'm proud to say that i won't fail it.. eheheh... and.. quite petty though.. its the first time i went to school without my trusty umbrella.. huhuhu.. and it just had to be on the day when the sun was glaring.. oh vell.. things happen.. just like the compensation for classes.. ehehe.. classes were suspended at 1:00pm and I didn't have to worry about going to Geo.. ehehe.. oo nga pala.. here's a linky to see my geology project.. good luck in figuring what it is.. its quite obvious though..
hmm.. what else.. yeah.. my computer's cd writer is finally working.. thanks to sweetie who risked getting involved in the kudeta because he stayed here late.. just to fix my computer Ü wabshuu! Ü here i go on mushy mode again.. but this time it's special.. *kilig kilig*.. i'm going to be seein sweetie again, after classes.. and probably.. though i know we're both out of cash.. we'll picnic in the nice sunken garden of U.P... or something.. i don't know.. sweetie can be pretty spontaneous.. Ü
Its already our seventh monthsary tomorrow... amazing how we've come so far.. and to think we're going to last even longer.. till we fade away into the nothingness we've spawned from.. i wouldn't want to be erased from this cruel world with anyone else.. but you..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/28/2003 05:27:00 PM

7.25.2003

ehehehe.. another beautiful friday to end the dreadful week of school.. and its amazing that another week of relatively being alone in school isn't much... its nothing really.. its like it doesn't matter anymore if you belong to a group or not.. but eventually i'll find a group i can hang with.. or they'll find me rather... eheheh...
so what happened today?
hmm... we talked about my teachers communist ideals in english.. (as always..).. he brought up that education should be free for all.. and the government just isn't smart enough to make it happen. It all started from the issue that the president is going to have a State of the Nation Address on Monday and when my classmate asked if we were still going to have classes then. Being the Activists we are (daw), of course U.P. will hold a rally and bring up the issue on state subsidy, hopefully having positive action taken from the president. 80% of U.P.'s funds come from the government while the students pay for the 20% through tuition. With the Bills focused on U.P.'s generated income, the theory is that the figures will go backwards in a few years, that is, the government's provisions would be reduced to 20% and the students will have to provide for the 80%.. well.. it is the National University so its only right that the government should give the funds. Prof. Bagulaya made us picture that our 6000 peso tuition per semester could increase to around 30-40,000 pesos.. I mean the University in the first place existed so that our young intellectuals could have a chance at enhancing their talents and skills without worrying about where to get the money for quality education, unlike in private colleges that burden the majority of financially deprived youth. With the extreme increase in tuition, it is more likely that our potential intellectuals would become discouraged and opt rather not to attend school, thus reducing the chances of future rapid economic development. Another raised issue included was that if U.P. becomes open to commercialization (<--yeah, that's the self generated income they were talking about, renting the lands of U.P. to Private Companies where income made will go to the companies-destroying local small businesses-crushing competition, or exchanging intellectual property with Corporations-mostly international corporations- for funds), the supposed benefits of producing well educated individuals wouldn't really be given to the country, but to foreigners. The worst part of this, these bills were passed without any consent from the students or councils of the University, thus considering the decision undemocratic. This is noting that the selected members of the Board of Regents, who according to the bills passed are given the power to make decisions without consent, aren't even really in U.P., so how would they know what would be best for the University? this is all crap, but it's reality.. hay... should i join the rally?

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/25/2003 07:26:00 PM

7.24.2003

its quite early.. amazing! well.. what happened ba today.. hmm.. ah! today, I submitted my geo project.. its obvious that it was more important than the other subjects of the day no? well.. its just me realizing at the last minute that what i made was really pretty good.. though unfinished. I spent my break with my SocSci classmate Diane at the Math Building Cafeteria, helping her a bit with her Philo homework at the same time putting finishing touches on my geo project. I kept on commenting that i sacrificed my math quiz last tuesday thinking about what i was to do for the project, besides the fact that the strong winds of the super typhoon Harurot were bending the trees outside distracting me so much. Well.. it was worth the sacrifice for such a cool product.. Any way, I made her try the cafeteria's butterfly iced tea, my latest addiction Ü its crushed ice tea with whipped cream and marshmallows on top Ü yummy yummy! Ü I was distracted again at math, because the next subject was geo and also because of the project, i wasn't (didn't rather no?) able to study for the inevitable quiz. Waiting for math, i at least was able to know a distant classmate better, a classmate from a different subject though. Aurea was an animatrix fan too and our simple topic of what course she took extended onto the reality of the cruelty of man.. ehehehe.. i don't now, i've already mentioned that i was really moved, changed and disturbed is more like it... eheheh.. and yet another one of those God loves me instances came when at geo time, instead of having a quiz and lecture, we watched The Core. It was totally impromptu since our prof. didn't expect that a classmate of mine would bring a VCD of it along with a VCD palyer and cable... ehehe... well.. that was pretty much my day.. ehehehhe.. i miss sweetie.. haay.. he said he'd call late today since he got a job.. ehehe.. probably to get moola for our monthsary present and treat.. eheh.. i'm excited myself since its already on tuesday, and he's coming over to pick me up from school... just to be with me.. man.. i'm getting lightheaded again..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/24/2003 06:27:00 PM

7.23.2003

oki, here I am again, inevitably online to do some assignment left undone so long that tomorrows the dead line.. well.. at least I did the major part early Ü Its my dumb project for geology.. where we have to make some piece of art out of rocks.. now that seems so simple you could think i could get a rock and say its a paper weight or something.. the catch there though for our liberty is that we have to classify the dumb rock/s we're going to use.. ha! stupid geo.. i'm totally not a rock person.. well.. if you mean the music type rock, that’s another thing.. I’ll try to put a linky here to let you see what I made.. well.. a good description for it is that it’s the product of my frustration, noting that I made whatever out of broken rock bits and sheets.. gets?
anyway.. it was another mischievous Wednesday for me, where I got to see sweetie again.. of course making an excuse that there's something I have to attend to at school so my staying out long wouldn't be questioned.. and this time, there really was something at school, some kind of forum on the state of education in U.P. and the whole of the Philippines, and the elaboration of actions taken against some bills circling commercialization in U.P. that I think is related to the stuff Senator Kiko Pangilinan passed. It must've been serious since everyone from students to even jeepney drivers were invited to the 1-5pm forum. It would have been an obvious extension for me since my class was from 8-10am only, supposing I were really to attend it. Maybe I’ll post nice details about my schools dilemma some time.. from what I know, it really does seem heavy..
I was lucky my prof. in PE had to go to some meeting so she announced before hand that we would be dismissed at 9, an hour earlier than the usual. What was even better was that even if we still had an hour for our class, she had to go right away to the meeting so I didn't have to panic anymore about stupid quizzes she would always give.. (well, they aren’t stupid.. its just that my cramming mode is heywire and I don’t really study like I’m supposed to.. ehehe.. God loves me in these instances Ü) We were left instead to stay in the College of Human Kinetics Library, to discuss group reports. My group passed the time by dividing work and getting a glimpse of the Guinness Book of World Records 99, which had a lot of pictures we picked on . I was seeing bit by bit that one of my alanganing lalaking groupmate was using more gay lingo like pachuvachuchu éclat which really makes me question if he really is a guy or gay like sweetie says. Sweetie seems to know a lot about these things, maybe because he’s homophobic.. ehehe. I had to go though to the waiting shed at the PH Annex afterwards, since that was my meeting place with sweetie Ü It was raining hard but luckily, my group mate Marvin (not the “gay” one) agreed to drop the whole group wherever we were going to on campus with his car, or was it his brother’s car? buti naman, tipid pa sa pamasahe.
Sweetie came along at around 9:30, a little later than what I expected, but as he promised, rain or shine, he showed up.. then we went on our way to Cubao.. then Maceda.. snuggling with him in the FX. Its really one of my natural highs when I snuggle with him. It’s so safe and secure, aside from it being so warm from the intensified coldness of the aircon because of the rain.. and obviously by now, you’d guess I drifted off into another one of my lightheaded phases.. natural high nga diba? Nakakahigh! Joke! We then reached his house Ü after a little fun and games (wabshuu sweetie!), we decided to meet up with Mama Pam at Burger King to have lunch.. i knew her schedule was 7-11 am, so the timing would be just perfect.
Me and sweetie ate lunch while Mama Pam ate her treat of chocolate overload while telling stories. It was weird how much has happened in such a short while, which makes you miss people you thought you could predict. You know, the feeling that you can’t say s/he must’ve probably been doing whatever at this time… It’s different now. You have to make so much inquiry. Mama Pam even came over to sweeties shop and we listened a bit to some Rex Navarette spoofs Ü it just then occurred to me the suggestion of watching the animatrix Ü sweetie was able to get everything from dvd from a friend and encoded it into vcd…. i think.. well, we were almost through, but because of the time, and the expected traffic, I told sweetie that it was best if we made our way.. maybe it was also my unconscious relief from the overwhelming thought provoking ideas that spawned from the so far watched animatrix.. i admit.. i was a changed person.. well, so did it seem Mama Pam was, with her emotional side ruling.. ehehe.. if you watched the animatrix, you’d really get what I mean..
We brought Mama Pam to her dormitory, which was surprisingly right next to BK.. (ehehe i would love to live there..) and went on our way..
I missed sweetie even before we parted, because I knew it would be another week of not seeing him again.. eheheh.. buti na lang he reminded me that he might come over on Sunday.. of course, happy me.. Ü I can’t wait for Tuesday either since its going to be our 7th monthsary already.. ehehe.. to think we would’ve been together as an official couple longer if we counted the several months previous.. when we were in our “kami-pero-hindi” stage. I’m glad we’re together.. it’s a breath of fresh air in the filth of the world’s reality..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/23/2003 09:08:00 PM

7.20.2003

eheheheh... another sunday night to cram and mope about another week of burden...
i miss the times when i could sleep soundly without doing homework.. yet survive the next day with no sweat..
i miss sweetie, he was supposed to come over to go to church with me.. this morning, if it weren't for him staying up late for a party at his place..
i miss my other friends who i know are enjoying life without me.. its not that i'm outcasted but they have their own lives now..
i miss somehow belonging, no matter how artificial it was in highschool.. yeah, i'm beginning to miss them all even though i thought i wouldn't be likely to..
i miss having people need me.. yeah.. i don't mind being used for dumb projects and assignments cause i know how to manipulate in consequence.. or even for consultation and advice which gave me a guidance counselor tag..
i miss having so many dreams about my new life in college.. it just seems i can't remember what they were...
well.. at least i'm in the phase to do something about that one in particular..
but i'm still confused about what i want to be..
or where i'll go in that aspect..

MUSH ALERT *turns all lightheaded and mushy*

all i know is that i want to have a family..
nine kids (sipag no? yeah, and we've already figured out names and personalities of them all ready..) Lyka, Ken², Joy Marian, Nikolai, Sophia, Ivan Gerard, Reiley and Keiley (they're twins), and Chloe.. a big house.. good job.. and sweetie there for me always.. till we gracefully grow old..
hihihih...
i remember tuloy about the getting-fit thing with sweetie.. i forgot to blog about this tidbit.. eheh..
baby: kahit na pumayat ako, mataba pa rin ang puso ko..
now isn't that soooooooooooooo.. cute? *grabs someone and squeezes them till their eyes almost pop out*
..ay.. now thats morbid..
anyway.. its so cool how he figures these kinds of things out.. i mean.. say these kinds of lines.. so simple yet so effective.. my total opposite.. ehihih.. that's why we complement each other.. ehehe..
and to think sometimes i go into a 'what-if' rantage and make him imagine if we broke up.. *kick self in butt* wow, now that was a challenge.. *sweatdrop* i don't know.. maybe i unconciously (how can i tell? ehehe) want a challenge to our relationship.. that would really be exciting.. but then again, i don't because i'm content with what i have Ü labo no?
i treasure what we have because if i didn't have this, my life would be as dreary as this bogs colors.. and now that my life is slowly unravelling.. i need all the support i can get... my life's doomed as is, as in majorly doomed.. at least i have him still..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/20/2003 09:34:00 PM

7.19.2003

ehehehe.. i got this thingy form mami

What rating is your journal?

i guess i totally agree..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/19/2003 09:05:00 PM

7.18.2003

yeah, its great that its Friday, and its weird that I finally get to blog early on a regular school day.. anyway, nothing so bad has happened today..
yesterday though.. my precious black pizza hut umbrella got stolen. It was the last class for the day, stupid Geo 11 (yeah and I got a 90 on my test Ü). We had to watch a sort of documentary on volcanoes, and for our quiz, we had to list how many times the word volcano appeared or was said. This forced us to pay close attention to the film, but not necessarily denoting that we understood whatever the people on the film were saying. Obviously, I didn't notice how or when exactly the culprit got hold of my umbrella. All I knew was when the lights were turned back on, and me, stupidly still not paying attention to my things, stayed a little, looking at other peoples test results. When already half of the class had gone, that's when I noticed it was gone. I went countlessly back and forth from the classroom to the Audio-Visual Room. Still to no avail. Oh well..
another instance yesterday was when a classmate of mine in math (the class previous to geo), Nino asked:
"oh [me], kasal ka na?" while looking at my ring finger.
Ramon, another classmate of mine looked too. He just went:
"nyee, pare, maraming nabibiling ganyan.."
I just said:
"hinde, bigay yan ng boyfriend ko"
silly how they acted surprised that I was already taken, since my math notebook's covers were covered with pictures of me and sweetie.. Ü shocking?
I surprised another guy who was trying to hit on me, supposedly, when he asked what year I was in. I said I was in first year, obviously, well, probably not to him. He assumed that I was either a shiftee or transferee. He asked how old I was, and iI told him that I was 17. He was surprised, denoting he assumed I was older. He even thought I was joking. I giggled, well, for me, I tried to intentionally yet discreetly laugh at the situation. I bet whoever was with him at the time, or even himself, could be the one who took my umbrella, as sort of a hurt ego's revenge? well, isn't that too shallow?

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/18/2003 07:41:00 PM

7.16.2003

just came home sometime ago..
i miss him already.. just walking home, I remember him saying..
baby: amazing
me: bakit?
b: its amazing how we still dream like this
*baby looks up into the sky*
baby: di ba, yung ibang couples, kapag nagtagal, nawawala na lang ang dreams nila
*kicks self* i don't remember the exact words.. its another weakness of mine.. but those moments were so precious...
well anyway...
i remember him saying something like..
amazing tayo..
nothing can stop my dreams coming true...
nothing can stop us from dreaming
i felt like a quenched soul.. you know the feeling when you hear someone say something so right at the exact appropriate moment, and you had no way of anticipating it?.. ~*Ü*~
there are times he amazes me so much that the world becomes blank and i act as if we're the only ones that matter.. in spot light...
another one of those God loves us moments also happened.. when we were going home.
it rained really hard and he didn't bring an umbrella, but thankfully, the rain stopped when we parted..
it is really a wonder how thinks always seem to work well for us, when we're together..
me: maybe its destiny
baby: no, its not just destiny, its love..
*sigh*
i miss him.. but its also ironic that when i'm with him.. i act as if there's still a tomorrow.. and then end up sulking when we're apart..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/16/2003 05:55:00 PM

7.15.2003

here i am again.. staying up late.. but i didn't mean to.. its just that i was on the net trying to find articles about my social science project.. then in comes sweetie with the webcam and i become totally distracted from doing what i was supposed to.. well.. how can you not be, when the person you adore pops up in a window over your research? ehehe.. so of course i shifted my attention to him..
well, might as well confess here..
i'm going to see him tomorrow.. yeah, another one of my sly sprees.. but i really want to.. is it obssession?
i just might catch mama pam too, since she said her class always ends at 11.. so why not?
i still kind of feel guilty for passing going to molly's place for her room decor.. maybe I'll do it on saturday.. or maybe even sunday since i want to get my other supposed due projects done for monday.. she'll be free anyway since by then, her mid-terms would be over...
hay...
i remembered a while ago that i challenged sweetie to lose weight.. well.. i think i termed it, make himself more fit.. since he is quite.. unfit.. then he made me dare him to do it in two weeks.. since i mentioned thinking of a trimming proposal for him while riding home from school.. something like losing a few inches.. he said in two weeks, he'd make noticeable weight loss.. the catch.. if he doesn't.. no visits from either of us wherever for the whole month of august..
and if he's successful, he gets more visits Ü motivating ne? i know he wouldn't stand not seeing each other for a month.. and i admit, me either..
well.. time to get some eye shut..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/15/2003 10:14:00 PM

7.13.2003

sweetie just left around thirty minutes ago.. the moon is full and he said that the nights dangerous.. manananggals are out.. i don't believe he'll encounter any trouble because God is good.. which reminds me of his stroke of good luck just last night... when he came home and entered the gate of his house just before a car crashed ino the school buses that were parked in front of his home.. God is really good..
i miss him all ready..
its amazing how ma let us go out together for the first time without having a chaperone.. sweetie says its maybe because she knows we're a couple already..
we went out to fix his dads sim.. which he accidentally put on PUK mode since he entered the wrong pin three times.. which is the limit.. and we were unsuccessful at finding a solution.. PUK fixing pala is illegal.. we went to Globe (the service provider) to see what they could do about it.. but they said that they only have records on that area for post-paid subscribers.. sucky network.. we wondered why the other network Smart had the service for both prepaid and post-paid subscribers..
i just had my sim upgraded instead.. pahabol, since we went to Big R earlier with jenny to upgrade his brothers sim, ma's sim and tita g's sim.. we were supposed to do the same for his dad's sim, but we needed the pin..
oh well..
i'm supposed to be studying.. yeah.. i have a freaking test tomorrow.. yeah.. sucky me for not using the weekend to study.. its just that i'm not the one who uses time when its so early.. i'm way better at cramming, which i actually call my studying technique.. ironic no? i'll be doing that after i take a bath later.. i deserve no sleep for this.. which is kind of a dilemma since i also need sleep.. luckily, i don't have any menstral cramps, unlike this morning at church, which should be an advantage to my late night studying.. yeah.. patutulugin ko muna honey ko (put my honey to sleep).. but i doubt that he'll be getting home early.. that'll help rid the guilt of promising to sleep at bedtime though.. which is around.. 15 minutes from now.. ehehehehe...
well.. got to take my bath.. i feel like an open oil rig.. eheheh..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/13/2003 09:51:00 PM

7.12.2003

just came home a while ago.. the game was longer than expected.. let me correct that.. waiting for the game was longer than expected... the event started at around 1 o'clock.. but since this was the opening of the UAAP season, there certainly and inevitably (though i didn't think of in the first place) were opening ceremonies and stuff like dance numbers and whatever.. i liked the part when they were presenting model mascots of the participating teams, since I actually wondered what the Maroons mascot would be.. there isn't really a maroon object, unlike the UST tiger.. the FEU tamaraw, the Adamson.. condor? and the Ateneo blue eagle... well.. of course, i didn't think of the Oblation right away Ü a nice naked guy with arms streched open to the sky representing your school.. beautiful.. eheheh..
anyway... sweetie came along which made another day of my insignificant life beautiful..
and God loves us.. ehehe...
well.. its not like i want to be a nun or something.. but its like God always makes a way for me and sweetie to be together without any trouble.. which is so amazing since we don't get caught in any opportunity.. is it destiny? whatever it is, thank God..
sometimes i wonder if i'll get karma since they say that everything has its consequence.. i hope not.. everything seems to be going fine Ü and not that i'm bragging or anything.. i'm aware of the little miracles He does and i give him thanks when i notice..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/12/2003 08:00:00 PM

7.11.2003

bwahahahahaha... i've finally managed to make an archive page.. after 3 friggin' hours.. (c'mon, no one would really keep at it for 3 hours, of course i ate, and checked mail, and read other peoples lives, and looked for cute stuff to add here and.. etc...) though i knew absolutely nothing at start.. ehehe.. *gives self pat on back* (<- now how psychotic is that?) anyway... theres a link somewhere here.. look for it if you can.. ehehehe... but i don't think the search is worth tiring your poor wittle itty-bitty eyes for my crap past.. unless you're researching on my lovelife (which i doubt anyone with the right mind would do..) which is way more colorful than you think.. but still not much really in the archives about that.. ehehehe... hay... *stretch*.. i'm going to be going out tomorrow, to watch the opening of the UAAP games.. forgot what it stands for though, but the usual highlight of the event is the men's basketball, as some may recall the 'intense' competition between the so called leading colleges.. last year.. with ar'neo (with the twang [quoted from our philippine collegian:kule]) as the champions.. pshaw! eheheh.. never mind.. its chance.. anyway, i'm going to be watching only UP's game.. luckily the first so i get to go around Cubao with sweetie the rest of the day.. Ü Ü Ü to bad it had to just be on the day i had to go to mami's house to do something about her room.. aww... oh well...
i'm poofed and thank God its friday.. i can sleep well tonight...

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/11/2003 09:24:00 PM

7.10.2003

i've finally took the time to look at blogs of other people to not only invade their privacy but also get ideas on how to make a stupid picture in place of the twisted and hopeless logo thingy here in the blog... i want to make my nice mark here and i intend to still keep the rest of the nice format.. for now, i'm pirating the image instead of having a nice box with a red x in place... eheheh.. and somehow.. i'll open this thing up for the whole world.. wait.. maybe just a few other people.. to see... ehehehe... unfortunately, i'll have to wait for the tools to renovate my realm.. since sweetie formatted the pc... and i don't even have Word on this thing.. oh well.. good thing i can still go online and stuff..
ok..
whats with me now?
hmm..
school is still hectic.. i feel sick but i can't conclude that i'm up with something..
friends.. no one really to hang out with.. yet.. but at least i have a friend in every class..
which is a good thing for assignments and stuff...
everyone else is busy with their own life and you can't expect a warm invitation unlike in highschool.. wait, that didn't really happen in highschool...
am i such a loner?
anyway.. i guess this is inevitable.. but at least i'm striving to make my way through.. though alone..
money?
amazing... i've gotten a raise.. and an advantage since i got a car.. which i actually have the right to call MY CAR .. ehehehe... the down side is though that i don't know how to drive yet.. the advantage there is that i'm driven to school in the morning Ü
anyway...
what now?
i just feel that i'm so stagnant.. i know that ranting about it doesn't do anything.. but i just can't see the opportunities that get my interest.. i don't even have the time and energy at least to explore new frontiers or anything... i don't have anything for leisure... boy am i a bum... oh well.. i just have to find someone to share a first experience at something.. ganyan lang ako ginaganaan...

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/10/2003 06:07:00 PM

7.05.2003

ehehe.. i changed the layout.. it now works for me... but i have to fill in the blanks though since this is just a template i got off blogskins.. actually, dating gawi! (i always do that) i'm not really gifted with the fiddling capabilities so i'll leave that to sweetie instead.. its been quite a while.. again.. now this is like the nth time i've said this already.. its just that the blog isn't really much of a priority anymore since i'm not really pushed into it as much as before.. but i would like to keep this thing running and in a few years, hopefully if some demon virus thingy or something doesn't eat this out of the web, i'll be able to look back and say
"that happened at the time? i'm such a dork!".. joke!
well.. I just want to remember..
sometimes I feel that my memory is deteriorating, at such a young age!
i've been seriously feeling that since the beginning of fourth year.. you know the feeling that you can do something and everyone knows you can, but when the opportunity calls for your so called skill, you just flunk..
so.. yeah.. my inferiority complex is again kicking...
just as much now that i'm in the environment of walking brains.. i've used the term so many times, yet it really describes how i feel in UP..
i've got a few friends now.. and i tell you thats a good thing since in my situation, it's really hard to make friends.. let me give you a few points that make my so called social life stagnant:

1. the people sometimes talk in languages i don't understand

2. they're each others batchmates so they know stuff i can't obviously relate to ( yeah, majority of the science highschools made it, by batches.. grr..)

3. some people are paranoid freaks who aren't sensitive..

4. you can't tell if your classmate is an upperclassman or not, just to think if they think you're acting stupid or are just stupid

5. the scarce friends you have/had have different schedules so whether you like or not, the chances of you actually having lunch together, let alone seeing each other, is really puny...

6. a course doesn't dictate your interests, which is a good thing.. but its really hard to uncover people.. so you're just ice cubes sitting beside each other.. slowly melting in the intense heat created by the friction of the chalk because of the prof rapidly writing on the blackboards, yeah.. and the sound..oh.. the horror...

7. i'm stuck in a common class of a different block, and i don't even know my own block.. (kakainggit!)

oh well..
i'ven't got a choice anyway.. now with the intensity of my course weighing on my still vacation-minded brain...
i have to survive... even alone..

/// kitten

Bitched, Ranted and Rambled on 7/05/2003 11:41:00 AM